there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Randomize
