If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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