Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
