when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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