When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
