And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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