Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
