You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
