We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I've blown a few things in my day
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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