my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
