If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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