remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
