ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We're too hungover to prance.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
