Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
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