someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
