so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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