Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
