I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
