Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Randomize
