Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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