we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
