i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
