At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
be right there i have to get my cape
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
