Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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