no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
