my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
