And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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