thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
