TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
