Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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