I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
