Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
