Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
