You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You work out of a Hotel?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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