if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
