so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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