Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
