I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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