sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
