Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
