I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
