You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
