dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
