he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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