just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
