I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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