I just saw a hot homeless man
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
