Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
If its not for food we ain't going out.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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