very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
