3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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