He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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