it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
